I don’t remember Seattle being this cloudy or rainy or dark. Is this the same Seattle that I know? It’s sometimes hard to get used to the “How are you” aspect of American life, or even using the new upass. When I walk on campus I realize I don’t know anybody. The faces are unfamiliar and for some reason I am looking for familiar faces, as if I’d run into someone I know all the time. I feel like everyone is smarter than I am. My brain has run into this mushy consistency that I am unfamiliar with.
This is a strange time. I have been sick since freshman year and I can’t seem to escape disease. What does it mean to live? I am becoming increasing depressed and my nerves have become rather sensitive. I feel old, yet immature. I feel helpless and unable to grow. What kind of growth, you may ask? Obviously not physically because that was over 7 years ago, but maybe things like courage. Boldness. Perhaps even academically. I feel stuck. I want to get better.
Sometimes I am weird. Especially after reading my old poetry. I tend to write about music, dreams, pain and the ocean. I wonder why sometimes, why do these things interest me the most? When I am sick or in pain I tend to reflect on the past and I know that I make a lot of verbal mistakes. I hope that in time people will forgive me.
